About the Problem
Based on experience, most relationship problems can be linked to one of four major issues: emotional loneliness, conflict and poor communication, affairs, and a lack of sex.
Naturally, the form in which these problems arise, or the reasons for their manifestation can vary widely. For instance, many couples report struggles with differences in parenting, financial management, the complexities of open marriages, blended families, past trauma, addictions, cultural diversity, and ill-health (just to name a few). No matter the particular issue, the result is often one or a combination of the main for problems.
LONELINESS
Emotional disconnection and misunderstandings can leave people feeling incredibly lonely, even when they are in an intimate relationship. Feeling lonely within a marriage or committed relationship is actually very common and whilst it is a temporary feeling for many people, for others it becomes a seemingly permanent state of unhappiness. This loneliness can lead to feelings of general isolation and can even lead to more serious mental health problems such as depression and anxiety.
CONFLICT AND POOR COMMUNICATION
Relationship conflict typically takes the form of four key communication problems: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism and contempt. Any one or a combination of these communication breakdowns can quickly derail any relationship and leave partners sitting in anger and resentment. Over time, the couple may find themselves doing nothing but arguing, or existing in the other extreme - not talking at all.
AFFAIRS
Despite what many people think, affairs in the context of a committed relationship are not necessarily the end of everything. There is absolutely no denying the deep and profound level of pain inflicted by affairs, be they emotional, sexual, or both. The sense of betrayal and loss of trust typically destabilises the relationship in such a way that growth and reconnection seem too unrealistic and far out of reach. Relationship therapy can offer a much needed space to re-establish safety, understanding, and healing.
NO SEX MARRIAGE
We humans are inherently sexual beings, and yet, sometimes we can find it so difficult to relate sexually, or understand our sexual selves and others. A no sex marriage is a symptom of breakdown in other areas. In order to re-establish a lost sexual bond, we need to understand our own sexual experience and needs, as well as that of our partner. This is the first step in strengthening intimate connection, healing past emotional wounds, and forging a new way forward.
Dr. Mayumi Purvis
Specialist Relationship Therapist
Bayside Melbourne and Online