Emotional loneliness within a committed relationship is a remarkably common experience.  In fact, a majority of people experience loneliness in their marriage or long-term relationship at some point.  

Whilst happiness in a relationship can be attributed to many different things, loneliness is almost always caused by one or both partners feeling rejected or abandoned by the other.  This is called emotional abandonment; the other is still physically present, but the connection is somehow gone.

Emotional abandonment is the end result of one or both partners withdrawing from each other and shutting down.  At some point for some reason, they stop sharing thoughts, feelings, and events with each other.  It might be because when they do, they feel judged, criticised, undermined, or simply not listened to.  Either way, the relationship has lost is emotional safety and security.  

Other than feeling lonely, some other signs of emotional abandonment are: a lack of physical contact (hugs, kisses, sex), avoiding seeing each other, experiencing long periods of silence even when in each other’s company, and not scheduling time or events together, but instead going out alone and leading separate lives.  

Loneliness and emotional abandonment absolutely can be healed within the context of a committed relationship.  Getting specialist support from a therapist is a smart move particularly if conversation and connection have been shut down for some time.  The most important thing is to start talking…and start listening.